Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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