woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
