I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
