I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
