I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
