his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
