So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
