My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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