I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
