Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
