Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
