he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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