I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
