I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
