Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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