Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
