End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
