Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
