She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
