he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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