Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
