ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
