I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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