I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I looked at my own cervix.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
