I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
