she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
