butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
