Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
