Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
