I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
