yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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