Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
