she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
