You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
