I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
