I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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