If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
