I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I believe in your delicious
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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