i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
