tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A+ Viking dick
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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