He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
