Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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