Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
