We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
