I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
