"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
