I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said her name was "party"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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