Whod you bang
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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