The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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