Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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