Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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