I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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