Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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