it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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