so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
