Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
