I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
