I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
