Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize