I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
