Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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