he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she told me i tasted like america
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
