Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
