Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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