He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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