Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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