My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
